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brain death Anonymous 2022-11-22 (Tue) 19:17:20 No. 8865
I do not deserve to live. Life in general is meaningless, but some people deserve to exist more than others and I realized that after so much effort that I'm not one of those lives. Reality, people, family, love... and all those stuff never made sense to me, but why? why those things are so complicated if they are normal stuff? I want it, but I can't understand, sometimes I feel like I have a terminal illness. I think it's because I simply shouldn't exist, maybe there is no me. My place is in the void, in the dark, where there is no evidence of consciousness.
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I read things like this and wonder how long it would take without 1. social media, 2. internet access, or 3. urban squalor to completely fix this person. A week? Two days? I someday want to try the experiment: take a depressed person to a farm to break the dysfunctional, mind-warping pattern of "wake up, doomscroll socmed, spend the day worrying about how to coexist with a terminally dysfunctional society and its myriad exploitations, etc, etc, spend the night echoing despair into the /r9k/ despair chamber." Replacing that with "wake up, breathe the free air, chop logs with an axe, measure crop growth..." would immediately reverse the moribund tendency of an inward focus. The dependency on petty externalities is replaced with a life-or-death struggle where your actions are genuinely consequential rather than mere inputs into a system that you have no control over and in which you can have no legitimate investment. I doubt it would really work, though. In the experiment, I'd still be the one in control of this person. He knows he isn't going to die if his crops fail, and that he's still an economic unit in someone's pocket, without ultimate responsibility for his own life. He could still wallow in self-pity, acting out his misery as a kind of performance, because that's what a sick, deranged society models and incentivizes. The patient must want to improve, but there's not so much incentive for that, so the "performative" strategy wins out. Kirin unrelated.
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>>8870 tldr
>>8865 I hope she is having a nice dream You are what you repeatedly to, no less than your actions. If you want to feel like something more than an amoeba you must put in a program to act like, and convince yourself that you can be a good and normal person. If you stand still you'll stagnate. Do something, anything. Make it small, then make it bigger. Convince yourself you can be something else, only you can in the end. You don't have to feel at home in the miserable void, it is a place of false comfort. Move, man.
>I do not deserve to live. <You have decided that. You are responsible for your decisions.

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